Confessions of a Former Grammar Stickler
I’ve loved English and grammar all my life. I’ve never quite carried a permanent marker with me to add or remove apostrophes on signs à la Lynne Truss in Eats, Shoots & Leaves, and I’ve never called anyone out for their errors in a public forum. But I’ve grumbled at insignificant typos, spelling errors, or grammar mistakes that I’ve come across, whether in emails, printed books, or marketing materials. I’m ashamed to admit this, but I used to be a self-proclaimed “grammar nazi,” and I regret that I ever used that term to describe myself. (If you use that term for yourself or others, please don’t continue doing so.)
That’s why, in the fall of 2020, my sister sent me an article about the Merriam-Webster irregardless controversy and Jamie Lee Curtis’s response to it. This was the exchange we had after she sent it to me:
Me: Since becoming an editor and being part of the professional community, I’ve become a lot more relaxed about language.
Her: Why? I figured it would be the other way around.
Me: I’ve learned more about how language evolves and about grammar pedantry. Dictionaries reflect how language is being used, not how it should be used. Also, now I try not to stress about other people’s language unless I’m getting paid to.
Her: Yeah, I learned about descriptive vs. prescriptive grammar in grad school.
Descriptive grammar reflects how language is used in the real world, whereas prescriptive grammar adheres to a set of perceived rules.
Reasons for the shift
Her surprise at my change is understandable, given who I am—or was. The more I’ve worked with language, the more my attitude has shifted away from “This is what is right,” and the more relaxed I’ve become in response to errors spotted in the wild. This has happened because I’ve realized many things since becoming a professional editor:
Humans make mistakes.
It’s easy to mistype letters (or miss typing them altogether), mix up words that are similar in sound or meaning, or not know when to use lay or lie. No one is perfect or all-knowing. Errors make it into print because writers, editors, and proofreaders are all human. I’m not perfect, so I don’t expect anyone else to be perfect either.
The purpose of language is communication.
Is the message clear? Will readers know what’s meant? Ultimately, that’s what’s most important.
What’s “right” is subjective.
Ask a group of editors where to place a comma, and you’ll be met with differing opinions. So much of language goes beyond grammar and punctuation conventions—it’s about audience, context, clarity, voice, and style. That’s why the answer to many language issues is “it depends.”
Grammar and spelling are often used in gatekeeping.
Not everyone has the same access to education or resources, so judging people solely on their grammar or spelling is a form of gatekeeping. It also doesn’t usually take into account how people, especially people of color, have to engage in code-switching, where they have to change their language (as well as clothing, behaviors, or physical appearance) to conform to English that’s seen as “proper.”
The “rules” aren’t often actually rules.
These “rules” are passed on from person to person, classroom to classroom, and they just don’t die. Begin those sentences with conjunctions and end them with prepositions—and add in some split infinitives for good measure. A lot of what we’re taught about what’s “wrong” isn’t actually the case. That’s one reason why I appreciate Merriam-Webster’s usage notes, such as the one for comprise.
People have varying circumstances.
Maybe English isn’t a person’s first language, or maybe it is. Maybe they have a learning disability that leads to mixing up letters or words. Maybe they’re in a hurry. Maybe they skipped the day of class that sentence diagramming was taught. Or maybe autocorrect has done it again. I don’t know, and it really doesn’t matter.
Each person can pick what works for them.
Do I like irregardless? Nope. I recognize that people use it, and I simply choose not to use it myself. I have peeves that bother me, just like everyone else does, but that doesn’t mean I should impose my preferences on others. I just choose what I use or don’t use and allow others to do the same for themselves.
There are better things to do.
Becoming annoyed at every little mistake I come across is exhausting. If I’m doing a copy editing or proofreading job, then of course I’ll pay attention and fix errors (or at least flag potential issues that readers may get upset about). That’s what I’m paid to do. Otherwise, I’m not going to spend my time and energy worrying about other people’s grammar or spelling for free—no one wants that.
Language is always evolving.
Words crop up and become popular enough to make it into the dictionary. The original meanings of words change over time. Terms that were once acceptable are no longer so because of societal shifts, or ones that were once harmful have been reclaimed by activists and are now seen as empowering. Language is constantly in motion, so attitudes about language have to be in flux too—or else we’ll get left behind.
I definitely have my moments where the stickler in me comes out, but those instances are a lot less common now. Being a fiction editor also requires flexibility to account for emotion, tone, readability, and style. My job is to help authors communicate their message and their story, and sometimes that means breaking “rules” and infuriating prescriptivists.
Just for fun, here are some of my favorite Iva Cheung cartoons related to grammar and pedantry: Nuance, Hill, the Grammar Guru, “Proper” grammar, and Ghost of editor past.
Final thoughts
In the end, I can’t tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t do regarding other people’s writing. Instead, I’ll simply encourage all grammar sticklers out there to become more relaxed and forgiving, especially in informal settings. As for me? I’ll just be over here, not silently (or loudly) correcting your grammar.
