Gender and Inclusive Language
The ways that gendered words and phrases get used in English are both commonplace and invisible to many. But to others, gendered language is at the forefront of their minds and their day-to-day experiences. I’ve talked in the past about ableist language and why I work to call attention to it when I work with writers. This time, I’m exploring language use as it relates to gender.
A brief note about gender
One of the first concepts instilled in most of us when we’re young is that we’re either a girl or a boy, that the world is divided into two genders—the gender binary. This idea is reflected in the language we often use. But there are folks who are cisgender, transgender, nonbinary, agender, or gender-fluid, to name some. (For definitions, check out the glossary of terms by the Human Rights Campaign.) Therefore, using inclusive language means including everyone, not just those who fall within the gender binary.
Gender-neutral terms
Gendered language is everywhere, to the point that most people don’t recognize that certain words or phrases are gendered. One way to be more inclusive with our language is to replace gendered terms with gender-neutral ones.
Collective groups
The phrases men and women, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and guys and gals are commonly used with the intent to represent everyone, but they don’t. There are many alternatives depending on what the group is: people, citizens, guests, friends, etc. “The men and women who work on the front lines are heroes” can easily be changed to “The frontline workers are heroes” or “The people who work on the front lines are heroes.”
The same goes for greetings for groups. Many argue that “Hey, guys” is generic and not meant to be gendered. While that may be the intent, not everyone sees it that way. Inclusive alternatives are everyone, folks, all, friends, and—this native Texan’s favorite—y’all.
Terms
Man/mankind → people, humanity, humans, mortals
Manned → operated, piloted, crewed (The NASA style guide recommends avoiding manned and unmanned.)
Manmade → manufactured, artificial, synthetic
Policeman, mailman, chairman → police officer, mail carrier, chair
Stewardess, waitress, comedienne → flight attendant, server, comedian
Mom and dad → parents, adults, grown-ups
Husband and wife → partners, spouses
For more gender-neutral terms, check out these lists by Fairygodboss, Boston University, and Your Dictionary.
“They”
The word they has long been used as a gender-neutral singular pronoun, and it’s become even more popular in recent years. Some find it a bit odd, but it sounds natural to many. Using the singular they can be a good choice for avoiding the outdatedness of he as a default pronoun, the unnatural distance of one, or the clunkiness of he or she.
When using they as a singular pronoun, the word is still treated as plural, so you would still say they are (not they is) when referring to one person.
What does this look like in practice? Here are some example sentences where the singular they could be used.
The mystery person’s hood was pulled over their face. Were they hiding something?
The employee of the month will get their own parking spot.
Have you met the new student? What are they like?
Some people use they/them as their personal pronouns. Again, this word is still treated as plural in construction. Note that many people who use they/them pronouns use themself rather than themselves for the reflexive, as in the third example.
Taylor loves cats. They have two, and they also foster kittens.
AJ and their friend ate all the ice cream.
Asha put on their new sweater and checked themself out in the mirror.
Adjectives and descriptors
The terms female and male are typically used as adjectives, such as female colleagues or male students. They can also be used to describe biological sex. Sometimes, female(s) or male(s) will be used as nouns, such as “The females were sitting around the table chatting.” Using female as a noun is perceived by many as derogatory toward women. After all, rarely does male get used as a noun in the same way (“The males prepared dinner”). The terms woman/women and man/men are usually the preferred nouns.
Sometimes, calling attention to gender can inadvertently signal a sense of otherness or qualification. For example, calling someone a lady doctor or the once popular girlboss can suggest that the person is an anomaly because most doctors or bosses are not women, or that they’re good at what they do *for someone of their gender*. This happens with men too, such as using the term male nurse to say that nurses aren’t usually men. (When a man’s gender is referenced, though, it’s usually not meant as a qualifier of competence.)
Why it matters
Why does it matter whether language is or isn’t gendered? For some, the use of gendered language is inconsequential. They see it and move on without a second thought. But for others, gendered language can be a small but significant reminder that they are outside of a target audience, different, or invisible. Here are some reasons why I believe it’s important to examine gendered language and strive for the use of inclusive language:
I may not mean to be exclusive or hurtful with my language choices, but that doesn’t change the impact my words have. Regardless of my intent, gendered language may have negative effects on some readers.
When I write, I’m communicating a message, and the words I use hold meaning—again, regardless of whether I’ve given thought to that meaning. Using inclusive language can send a message that I’m trying to be intentional and respectful with my choices.
It costs nothing to use inclusive language. The nice thing about English is that there are a lot of words that exist, which means there are usually alternatives that don’t sacrifice meaning.
Readers likely won’t notice the absence of gendered language, but they may notice its use. If someone comes across a sentence that reads, “I commend those who made this possible,” they’re most likely not going to stop and think, I really wish that sentence had been, “I commend the men and women who made this possible.”
Some people argue that they know someone who has a specific identity and they don’t get upset by XYZ words, so that’s permission to use them. But that doesn’t mean all people who have that same identity aren’t harmed by the same words. Also, even if the gendered language I use is perfectly fine and harmless to me, it doesn’t mean that’ll be the case with everyone else.
The effects of seeing gendered language may not be significant when encountered one time, or even twenty times, but it can be akin to death by a thousand cuts. Language can be invalidating, minimizing, hurtful, and exhausting, especially when encountered over and over again.
It can be easy to say that gendered language is a part of everyday life and everyone uses it, so what’s the point? Will one person choosing to use inclusive language make a difference? Yes! I may not be able to change what other people do, but I’m in control of the language I use. My choices matter, and so do yours.
Final thoughts
Maybe the idea of gender-neutral language is new to you, or maybe you’re a seasoned user. Wherever you are in this process, I hope this gives you something to think about when it comes to how our language around gender can make a difference. I know I'm not perfect, and I'm always learning and adjusting. I hope you'll join me.
